Fireworks to Thailand Page 3

  They talked quite a lot on the way, mostly about their future and the way forward.

  “All we’ve got to do when we get back is find somewhere to live,” Jan said. “Mum says we can have one of her flats that has just become vacant. It’s in the basement and quite small, but it’ll suit us until we can afford to buy somewhere ourselves. You know that my grandfather left me £2,000 when he died a few years ago? Well, we could put that down as a good deposit, and then a mortgage won’t cost too much. Mum’s been looking after the money for me – I think she was worried in case I blew the lot on some frivolity! There was a stipulation in the will that it was to be used for a good cause, and I reckon buying a house would definitely be good enough.” Jan was thinking along the same lines as her parents. It’s better to buy than rent somewhere where it remains ‘dead’ money.

  Jan’s mum, Audrey, had also spent some of her own inheritance on property a few years before. This provided a little income for her so she wouldn’t always have to be asking Ken for money. She had bought two properties in Bristol with a friend and they had converted them into flats to let. This was a little sideline to keep her occupied when her children were growing up and eventually leaving home. Jan was the youngest and the last to leave. They all couldn’t wait to go; the strict Victorian attitude of suppression by their father was like a weight on their shoulders, and sometimes Audrey felt it too.

  Ken was at his place of business from 8.30 am weekday mornings until 5.30 pm in the afternoon. His day was very regimented – he was always home by 7.30 pm when supper was on the table. In between work and supper, he liked to drink in the local pub where he met his cronies and played spoof, a gambling game, which he enjoyed. There wasn’t much in his life that he looked forward to these days. They used to throw parties for their friends, but these had dried up since Audrey’s illness.

  She had had problems with her mental health for several years; her first diagnosis was that she was menopausal. She was aged 46. Eventually, the correct diagnosis was made – manic depression. Certainly, she was very manic at times. This was followed by a few spells in the mental hospital where they would sedate her with lithium. But usually, they didn’t quite get the levels correct because afterwards, she would sink into a lower depression. What a life! Nobody understood her. Only the drink. She could immerse herself in some alcohol and disappear, at least for a short time. Unfortunately, the alcohol and medication didn’t go together and she had a lifetime of trouble ahead of her, in and out of the hospital.

  Audrey liked to have the gin bottle to hand in the evening whilst cooking the supper and waiting for Ken. It hadn’t been so easy for her to go out when she had their young children to look after. Unfortunately by the end of the evening Audrey and Ken nearly always started to bicker. Jan hated it when they rowed; she used to cover her ears when she was little. This was another reason why she and her siblings wanted to leave home as soon as they were able.

  “Let’s just enjoy our honeymoon, such that it is – I haven’t got much money, but I think we can just about afford the three days at the B&B,” Geoff told Jan. “As it’s nearly out-of-season I think they were glad of the business.”

  Jan sat in the bath that night and cried while she played with the ring on her finger. Taking it on and off, she noticed how tight it was becoming as her fingers were swelling as much as her belly. The day had just been too much in her condition, trying to put on a happy face all day. Her sister, Clare, had not been very supportive. She told Jan that she had made her bed she must lie in it – ‘charming,’ thought Jan! Of all people, she thought that her sister could be more helpful. But she was off soon, around the world on her travels. Just what Jan had wanted for herself… Clare had found some other like-minded people and they were going overland in two Land Rovers. Their final destination would be Australia. Fantastic!

  Jan would miss Clare when she was gone. They had got on well when they were younger but had grown apart since Clare left home. Being the oldest, she had left home first. Jan was starting to feel quite jealous of her older sister and her wonderful life to which she could escape, while Jan herself felt so trapped. What did she have to look forward to?

  ‘A baby of course. Yes, a baby,’ she told herself quietly.

  She had only ever seen one baby up close. Many years ago, her aunt had brought around Jan’s cousin and Audrey had cooed over the little bundle. Jan took little notice at the time because she was only a young girl herself and, not interested in such little things which couldn’t talk, only cried. Now she was wishing she had taken more notice of it.

  ‘I’ve never even held a baby,’ Jan thought to herself. She had only another few months before her own baby was due, but at least Geoff was there by her side – so she wasn’t all alone.

  After the honeymoon was over all too quickly, it was back to work for Geoff at the factory with Jan’s father at the helm. He knew he wasn’t going to be there forever because Ken had told him so! He told him he would put him through night school to learn a trade. This would, he thought at least enable him to support his daughter with a better job than the labouring one that he had given him as a stop-gap when he first arrived in Bristol.

  “Married the boss’s daughter!” taunted some of Geoff’s workmates. Geoff smiled that wry smile of his.

  “You’re just jealous,” retorted Geoff. It was the only thing he could think of, but quietly he was feeling quite smug with the thought of the help from his father-in-law. He never really fitted in with his work colleagues. And in any case this was, after all, just temporary until he could get his girlfriend – now his wife – back to Devon, where he felt that he belonged. Then he could do the decent thing by his mother, to be able to care for her in her old age – whilst also looking after his young and growing family.

  ‘The “boy-done-good” after all. Jan will thank me in the end,’ he thought to himself.

  How little he knew her.

  Chapter 3

  Geoff waited for the honeymoon period to be over before he made quite clear to Jan exactly what he expected of her. They rented a basement flat in one of Audrey’s houses and Jan started to try and make it their home as best she could.

  “I’m the man of the house and so I expect you to do as you’re told,” Geoff began. “If you ever as much as look at another man there will be consequences.”

  “Oh!” Jan couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing. She had never given him any cause to think that she was looking at other men. Not in the way that he meant anyway.

  “Yes,” he said as he wagged a finger at her making sure she knew exactly where he was coming from. “And if you’re ever thinking of being unfaithful to me – well, think again! Your life wouldn’t be worth living. And you probably know by now that I like sex. And plenty of it. And I expect you, as my wife, to comply with my wishes, as and when.”

  Jan looked aghast but said nothing. ‘Why is he making it sound so dirty? I thought we were making love, not just having sex. Why is he threatening me like this? I wish I had listened to Paula and not said I would obey in church.’

  Just a few months later and their baby was due. Geoff had made it clear to Jan that she would be on her own when she had the baby.

  “I can’t bear hospitals, they make me physically sick. Your mother can stay with you if you like.”

  “Well, that’s better than nothing I suppose,” said Jan, disappointed.

  He took her to the same hospital in Bristol where she, herself, had been born. He was fearful of the contractions and so he took her there early.

  Jan’s mum, Audrey, thought about the inconvenience but decided she had better be with her daughter – although she would rather have been drinking in the pub.

  ‘I suppose one day won’t hurt without a drink… ’ she thought to herself.

  Jan and Audrey had a few hours to kill but they had little to say to each other. Audrey was not a loving mother and not v
ery practical either.

  “I must go now, it’s getting late,” Audrey told her daughter after some time had passed. “Dad will be wondering where I am and will be getting worried. I’ve been here nearly three hours already.”

  “He knows you’re here!” Jan gasped another breath of gas and air. “But that’s OK, you go. I’ll be OK. It can’t go on for too much longer. I hope I’m not in labour all night!”

  Audrey left and an hour later a beautiful baby girl was born. The midwife rang Geoff straight away.

  “You have a baby girl, born at 12.13 and she is perfect. Jan’s mother didn’t stay so you might like to give her a call? I’m sure she will be anxious to know.”

  “Hello, Grandma!” Geoff announced. “Jan had a girl. She’s 12 pounds 13 ounces!” Audrey nearly fainted!

  Jan spent ten days in hospital which was quite normal for a first delivery. She met a woman in the next ward who gave birth the week before and it turned out she had been at school with Jan’s sister, Clare. It was Anita’s first child too, a boy, called Robin. It was nice to compare notes as Jan knew absolutely nothing about babies. Anita was very helpful and showed Jan how to bath the baby, something she herself had only just learnt.

  Geoff visited and felt OK in the ordinary ward. They talked non-stop, all about their gorgeous baby girl with brown eyes and lots of dark brown hair – just like Jan. They had talked before about names, but couldn’t agree on anything.

  “I like the name Louise and Lulu could be her nickname,” Jan suggested. “What about Janet for her second name?”

  “That’s not really a baby’s name is it? Louise is OK, I suppose.”

  “They don’t stay as babies, you know! If you can’t think of another name for her then I guess we will stick with what I suggested.”

  Nothing more was said on the matter and so those names were registered.

  Geoff fetched Jan and their daughter back from the hospital. They arrived home to the little basement flat. Jan didn’t know why but she felt quite alone, even though Geoff was there. She held her tiny baby who started to cry. She didn’t know what to do. She had breastfed little Louise just before leaving the hospital and had been shown how to bath her and to change a nappy. But apart from that, she knew nothing. She had never as much as held, let alone cuddled a baby, before Louise. However, Jan was pleased that at last, she had someone all of her own that she could love, and be loved back. A baby girl who was so precious and adored.

  “What a gorgeous little thing. Look at her tiny fingers and toes. They’re perfect!” Paula had come over to see Jan and Louise. She made cooing noises to the baby, but she really wanted to explode with excitement about her forthcoming wedding in a week’s time. “Are you sure you can’t come?” Paula enquired.

  “Geoff won’t have Louise on his own and I can’t exactly bring her with me. None of our school friends even know I’ve had a baby! They would be so bitchy if they knew.” Jan said. “I’ve kept out of the way, but if they guess, then there’s nothing I can do. You haven’t told anyone, have you?”

  “Of course not! You told me not to; I always keep my word.”

  The shame of having a baby and having to get married in those days was just awful. It was not the done thing, not in the circles in which Jan and Paula and their families moved. Jan was realistic, though because you can’t keep something like a baby a secret for long. But at least she would only tell those who she wanted to for the time being. The rest will find out all in good time.

  “Who are going to be your bridesmaids?” Jan asked Paula, trying to change the subject.

  “Marian agreed after much persuasion because she isn’t going to America yet. Kai, her boyfriend is already out there. He had a job offer that he couldn’t turn down, and Marian will go in a few weeks’ time. Josephine is my other bridesmaid; she’s been a friend of mine since we were little, and she hinted so much when I saw her. She hasn’t much else in her life so I felt obliged to ask her. I didn’t want more than two, although it would have been nice to have a little flower girl but I don’t know any little girls. Only Louise, and she’s too young at the moment!”

  “Well, you have a great wedding, I know you will. I’ll be thinking of you.” Jan tried to sound cheerful. “Oh, just one thing, Paula. When you get back from your fab honeymoon, can you come over and help me arrange my 21st. I’d love a big party but I don’t think Geoff is that interested, but we could have a few friends over at the flat. It would be a squeeze, but it should be fun. Will you help me? It might be the last party for a while!”

  “Of course I will, you just try and stop me!” Just as Paula was leaving, the phone rang.

  “Hello Jan, just to let you know that John is coming home from university next week and I was wondering if you’d like to come over for Sunday lunch,” Audrey asked. “A little family reunion, although not complete, of course, with Clare on the other side of the world.” Audrey thought this was a good way to enable her to see her first grandchild, as visits had been few and far between since Louise had been born.

  “Have you heard from her?” said Jan excitedly, hoping that she had had a phone call or a letter or something, anything. She had been worried that she hadn’t heard anything at all from her sister. Airmail letters might have been hard to come by on her travels, so she did understand that it would be a while before they heard from her.

  “Yes, I got a letter just yesterday and she’s fine. They arrived in Australia but the journey was a bit hairy, so I’m rather glad I didn’t know. They went through Afghanistan and were shot at by some bandits who were hiding in the hills. That seemed to be the only bit of excitement, or fear anyway. She enjoyed every bit it seemed, it’s just so typical of her enjoying roughing it. It’s not the way we brought you three up, but she is a law unto herself really. I’m sure she only went out there to get back at us.” Audrey couldn’t resist feeling everything was all about her. Jan couldn’t help but feel a disappointment to her parents – ‘well, at least that makes two of us,’ she thought, ‘both daughters have let our parents down. Oh dear! At least their son is doing what was expected of him. Good for him!’

  “Yes, Sunday lunch would be lovely and Louise is eating more solid food now so she should be able to have the same as us liquidised first. How’s Nicky, I bet he misses me?”

  Nicky was a big black poodle whom they had saved from drowning by his owners because his feet were too big. All his brothers and sisters were miniature poodles. Nicky was a very intelligent dog whom Jan had loved to train to do tricks. His best trick was to balance a biscuit on his nose for about a minute before tossing it up and then catching it in his mouth. Jan loved trying him out with different tricks, even getting him to stand on his hind legs but Audrey had said this might not be good for him, so Jan stopped him doing this trick. Even after she had left home, she always enjoyed visiting even if it was just to see Nicky rather than her parents. Nicky. Who gave him a name like that? No one could remember.

  At Sunday lunch, it was nice for Jan to meet up with her brother and to hear all about life at university. He even had a surprise for them all.

  “So, how is my favourite niece?” John started the conversation looking at Louise in her pushchair. He picked her up without even asking if it was OK to do so. Louise made a few gurgling noises.

  “Can’t she talk yet? I thought she would at least be able to say ‘John’ by now. Come on, Louise, say, ‘Uncle John,’ J-o-h-n.”

  Louise just gurgled and then she was sick over him.

  “Oh, yuk!” he cried. “That’s disgusting! Have you got a cloth, Mum?”

  “That’ll teach you for throwing her around,” Jan said as she took Louise from him.

  They all laughed and that took the heat out of the moment. It relaxed them all while John dropped his bombshell.

  “I’m getting married…” he told his assembled family as he was wiping himself down. “I’ve met th
e girl of my dreams at uni and we’ve been seeing each other for months now. I never said anything before because I wasn’t sure if she was sure of me. But now I know because she’s told me she wants to spend the rest of her life with me.”

  “Well, what can I say?” Ken started off. “Well done, my boy. She’s not pregnant is she?”

  “Hell, NO. I don’t think so anyway!”

  “Tactful as usual,” Jan said under her breath. “But I’m very happy for you. When do you think you’ll get married?”

  “Oh, not for a long time yet. Vera is just 20 and she doesn’t believe in getting married too young. She wants to get all her exams out of the way and finish uni and get her degree. So you see she has a sensible head on her shoulders, just like me!” John boasted.

  ‘She’s the same age as me,’ Jan thought to herself. ‘And got the whole big white wedding to look forward to. Lucky her!’

  “I reckon we’ll wait a couple of years, but we might just get engaged for the time being. See how things go, there’s no hurry. I think she’s prepared to live here, though. She seems to like Bristol, what she’s seen of it and, of course, I’ve only shown her the best bits!” he laughed.

  “Is she named after Vera Lynn?” enquired Ken. “She’s my favourite lady! She was born a week after me, did you know that?”

  “No one’s interested in that, you old fool!” Audrey interjected. She had heard this from Ken more often than she cared to remember.

  “Where is she from?” Jan enquired of John, ignoring her parents who were always bickering, although this was very mild, more of a banter.

  “Oop North!” John said in a mock northern accent. “Her parents live in Yorkshire. Apparently a lovely part of the country, near the North York Moors. I’ve only been invited once, mainly to meet them. I didn’t see much of the area because we only had a weekend and it took ages to get there. But what I did see seemed to be very nice, if you like that sort of thing. Countryside I mean,” he continued.